11 Random Things

Heather at 365 days of awesome tagged me in the 11 Things post that's been going around.  So, since my workouts have been limited this week and I don't have much interesting to say today, I thought I'd join in the fun.  (Although, I will not be tagging anyone, cause I feel like everyone has already done this, and I don't always like to play by the rules... if you haven't been tagged, I'm sorry, join in, and pretend I tagged you!)

Rules:
1. Post these rules.
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself.
3. Answer the questions set for you in their post.
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5. Go to their blog and tell them you've tagged them.
6. No stuff in the tagging section about you are tagged if you are reading this. You legitimately have to tag 11 people.
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Randoms about ME

1. I'm not usually someone who cries a lot.  But, training for an ironman has me all sorts of weepy, all the time.  Seriously feel like I could cry at almost any given moment.  And, its made me more anxious/nervous than I've been in years.  (I take medication to help with anxiety, and this business is making me feel like it doesn't work anymore.  Its not a good feeling - reminds me of bad/dark places my head sometimes likes to go - I need to talk to my doctor about this.)

2. In high school I did everything I could to get out of PE class. I hated it.  I would just sit there and do nothing.  My PE teacher excused me from having to take a second year, I think mostly because I was good at convincing everyone else in class to not do stuff too.  Now, I enjoy running marathons and I'm training for an Ironman.  Who would've thought that would happen?

3. Being raised by journalists has made me very inquisitive (also known as nosy).  If you let me, I'll ask you a million questions about you.  I like getting to know people.  Also, you can ask me anything you want in return, I'll probably be honest with you, I have nothing to hide.

4. I'm 32 years old and my parents are still my emergency contacts.  I'm single, who else would I put?  And, they live in the same city as me.  And, I'm really close with them.  In my mind, it would be weird if they weren't my emergency contacts.

5. I don't mind being single.  Seriously.  If I meet someone, then that's great.  But, I'm not bent about it.  When people say they want to set me up or put me on Match.com I don't get it.  I think that says more about them than me.  I've been single a long time, I'm really okay with it.  And, single doesn't mean lonely, or alone.  It just means I'm not serious about any one particular person.  Sometimes it means I'm dating more than one person, or only casually hanging out with someone.  Also, sometimes I date someone seriously but don't put labels on it, cause I don't really see the point.  I'm pretty mellow about the whole relationship thing. (On the same note, if I never get married then that's fine, and if I do, then that's fine too, whatever happens happens, I'm not gonna get crazy about it, either way.)

6. I don't fully trust people who don't like any animals.  It's confusing to me, cause I love my dog so much.  And, I really don't trust people who animals don't like.  Sorry, gotta go with the critters on this one, if they don't like you, I won't either.  And if you don't like them, well, you're never going to come in first in my book (even if you do like them, the dog is probably always going to win).

7. I am still friends with a group of girls from high school and they are the most amazing women I have ever met in my life.  I am so grateful to have each and every one of them in my life, they make me a better person just by knowing them.  When I say I hit the lottery of friends, I'm not kidding. Jackpot.  Best friends ever.

8. It REALLY bothers me when people, knowing I'm sober, say they want to see me drunk.  It's not cool to say that.  It wouldn't be fun to see it.  Stop saying it.  I'm sober for a reason, please accept that and don't try to make me fit in your world.  The next person who says that to me, who I'm Facebook friends with, gets deleted.  The end.  You know who you are, you've been warned.  (Let's put it this way, if you had a friend who was a drug addict you wouldn't say to them, "I wish I could see you on heroin, that would be awesome."  Its the same thing, its just that my drug of choice happens to be alcohol.)

9.  I can eat an entire box of cereal, by myself, in one day (maybe one sitting).  I can't have cereal in my house, especially sugary cereal .... mmmm.... Trix.... (But, in all seriousness it doesn't have to be sugary cereal, I could eat a box of Chex just as easily.)  Cereal is just not allowed in my house, or I would be the size of a house.

10. I'm scared of elevators.  I will take them, but I have a small anxiety attack every time I get in one.  I have recurring nightmares that I'm in an elevator that is falling uncontrollably, and then it rises, also uncontrollably, back and forth.  I know this is a stress dream, and it went away for a while, but it seems to have come back.  I wake up in a cold sweat and scared every time.  It's terrifyingly real.  (I know this isn't going to actually happen, but every time I get in an elevator I think about it.)

11. I celebrate my dog's birthday every year.  It's next week actually.  I know, weird, but I give him special treats and sometimes make him wear a birthday hat (he hates the hat, loves the treats).  I love my dog like he's my child, so of course I celebrate his birthday.  (Besides, I like him more than I like most people, and I celebrate their birthdays, so why not his?)  And, this might sound weird, but part of why I celebrate his birthday is because I feel like he helped save me.  I brought him home within months of getting sober and being diagnosed with bipolar and he helped me through some rough times in the beginning - and still does, his unconditional love and affection get me through a lot.

someone knows the hat is coming...

oh treats!

can we take this hat off now?

mmmm.... treats!

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Now, 11 NEW questions from Heather...

1. Do you cross train? (Be honest!)  I didn't used to, but training for an Ironman there is ALL kinds of cross training happening.  Swim, bike, core and stability.  I'm exhausted, and this is just the beginning.  I sorta miss just training for a marathon, it was simpler.  And I didn't cry during marathon training.  Now, water works, all the time.

2. What's your FAVORITE thing about running?  The feeling I get after a good run.  Nothing like it in the world.

3. And your LEAST favorite?  Getting started.  I have to give myself a pep talk before almost every single run I do.  The first three miles are almost always miserable for me.  After that, I'm usually good.

4. If you could eat only one food for the rest of your life, what is it?  Pasta or cake, mmmm, carbs. Scratch that, cake. Definitely - I have a crazy bad sweet tooth.

5. What came first, chicken or the egg?  Chicken. Cause where else would the egg come from?

6. You're stuck on a deserted island - what three books do you wish you had with you?  East of Eden (my favorite book of all time, I actually own a first edition), Harry Potter (I'm gonna say the whole series counts as one), the third is a little trickier - maybe One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, or The Bell Jar, or Things Fall Apart, or On the Road.  I love books.  Narrowing it down is too hard.

7. How much time do you spend getting ready before leaving your house for a normal day of work/school/whatever you do?  Like 15 minutes, max.  I spend more time with the dog in the front yard in the morning than I do getting ready.  Really, I just brush my teeth, brush my hair, get dressed and *maybe* put on a little makeup (usually only some powder to cover the bags under my eyes that I was so genetically blessed to get =/.)

8. Do you love the treadmill as much as I do?  F'ing hate it.  Worst thing ever.  I am learning to hate the bike trainer now too, but the treadmill still wins.  Hate.

9. My birthday is coming up (in 6 months)... want to come have a party?  Um, hell ya.  My birthday is in four and a half months, lets celebrate!

10. What should I get The H for his birthday (next week)?  Um, a kindle, or nook, or some kind of e-reader, if he reads.  If not, get him some power tools.  (I have no idea how to shop for men, I'm not the right person to ask.)

11. Have you joined Team Gab yet?  Yes, for the virtual run, but I can't run the PCRF half cause I'll be busy with Wildflower Long that weekend.  But, I'll totally run the half marathon there for Team Gab!


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If you're so inclined to tag yourself and answer 11 random questions here you go (if you do, tell me you did, so I can see your answers):  (if you want my answers to these questions let me know I'll give them to you)


1. What's your favorite movie?  
2. Books or TV?
3. If you could move to any city in the world what city would it be?
4. Life hands you lemons, now what?
5. Summer or winter?
6. What's the hardest thing you've ever done?
7. If you could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?
8. Have you ever been in love?
9. Favorite flavor of ice cream?
10. Dogs or cats?
11. Do you believe in fate?

PCH

Sunday I faced a big fear - PCH.  The last time I rode on this particular stretch of road I had a bad crash and wound up in the hospital, with a concussion.  And, I looked like this the next day.  Not cute.  All swollen and bruised and scraped.  Lovely.  Needless to say, cycling on PCH scares me a little (it scared me BEFORE my crash, now post crash, its a whole new level.)

There were options for the ride/run on Sunday, I didn't have to go back to PCH.  But, I decided it was time to get back out there and face it again.  I was nervous, and rightfully so.  But, I knew the longer I waited the harder it would be.  Actually, I didn't tell anyone this, but as we were getting on the road, I felt my eyes filling with tears (no tears actually spilled out, but I knew they were there, waiting).  I took a deep breath, clipped in, and pedaled on down the road.  I was really really nervous.  I was trying very hard not to be scared.

I started out really strong - actually probably going a bit too fast.  I tried not to think about the place where I had crashed, which I would come across on my way back in.  It was an out and back ride, ~12.5 miles each way.  I got to what was the last (and basically) only incline on the way out and I just lost my breath and power on the way up and started to tip over.  I caught myself, but then I couldn't get stated again, it was too steep.  I had to walk my bike to the top.  Fail.  I actually started to have a minor panic attack in that moment.  But, I pulled myself together and made it to the top.

I got to the turnaround and started back.  Right after I started to head back I heard an unfamiliar noise.  I got off the bike and realized I had a flat tire, on the back tire.  Crap.  I have practiced changing the front tire, but I have never tried changing the back tire.  It took me a couple minutes just to get the damn thing off the bike, with the chain and all, it was a situation.  It was taking me so long to get back to where Coach Jason had seen me that he came to find me.  He helped me get the tire changed and I was finally on my way again.

I knew the accident zone was coming up, but I didn't know how far ahead.  After the ~20 minute stop to change the tire my body was not happy that I was on the bike again.  But, I was doing okay.  A little slower than the beginning.  Then, Coach Brad came and found us.  Then, the noise, again.  Flat rear tire, again.  Luckily there was a coach with me, and he helped me change it.  (At this point I had two flat tires in my jersey, looking all crazy like a humpback - I wish I had a picture, I don't. I'm a bad blogger.  Also, I need to figure out how to change the tires myself.)

Back on the road again, my body was even angrier.  I was feeling spent, and nervous, the pothole was approaching.  After we passed American Apparel I knew it was coming up, but I didn't know how quickly.  As we were pedaling along I realized that I didn't remember any of this part of the ride from when I fell.  A little unnerving to ride somewhere that you've definitely ridden before, but have zero recollection of.  But, I saw the spot, it's marked with orange spray paint - with an x through it and a circle around it.  I looked at it and in my head said, "You will not take me down again!"  It's weird, but it felt good to get past it and say that to myself.

I finally made it back to the start point to begin my 4 mile run (more than 2.5 hours total after I started - including more than 30 minutes of time stopped dealing with the flat tires).  I was exhausted and had no idea how I would get that run done.  But, I did it.  But, tt hurt, bad.  I started having a weird pain on my inner right thigh, especially on the uphills.  But, I got the run done and faced my fear of PCH.  All in all a successful day, even with the flats, slow poke end, and even though the run sucked and was crazy slow (12:30 min mile pace).  But, I faced it and next time I'll be less scared.

Side note - that pain in my thigh has become a slightly bigger issue.  I wound up going to the doctor on Tuesday morning before work and had to get physical therapy prescribed for a pulled groin (seriously, I want to use the actual muscle names, but I can't remember, adductor, abductor? I don't know) and I got a prescription for anti-inflammatories, cause I still have a nasty bruise from the fall a week ago Wednesday, on my hip, he seemed to think this was part of the cause of the thigh pain (as the bursa is still inflamed).  

See the picture below of the giant bruise, I put my finger in the photo so you could get an idea of the size.  Gross, right?  It's like the size of a salad plate.  It looks a little better today, but not much.  It's still a little swollen and painful to the touch.  Nothing is broken or torn, it just looks bad.  He also thought that a 40 mile bike ride this weekend might be "aggressive," so we'll see how that goes.  (I'm nervous about the bike ride, what if I get 20 miles out and suddenly my leg feels like its going to fall off?  These are the things that worry me.)

And, I'm still fundraising, if you want to make a donation please click the link and hit donate now.  I know, you're sick of reading that I'm fundraising, but I'm not gonna stop telling you til I reach my minimum, so if you help me out I'll be closer to leaving you all alone ;)

http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/vinefirn13/ewallersco

All Star

Okay, so, a bunch of workouts and things happened last week, with one really important one on Sunday, but I'll save that for another post.  Today I'm going to tell you about last Saturday.  Something really amazing happened on Saturday.  Let me preface this and say that I posted an entry on this blog about quitting a week ago.  It was about quitting the negativity and self doubt and knowing that I will finish what I've started.  Then on Wednesday I crashed my bike - AGAIN.  I got back up, but it hurt and I have a seriously ugly bruise to show for it (I'll save that for another post).  After I fell on Wednesday I posted a simple Japanese proverb on my Facebook wall "Fall down seven times, get up eight."  This is how I feel about life, and that day it held especially true.  Now, back to Saturday.

Saturday we had a bike/run ("brick") on the schedule.  I woke up early Saturday morning to the sound of fairly heavy rain.  I was super nervous about riding in the rain.  I'm not a strong cyclist, add a wet road and who knows what's bound to happen.  But, I got myself out of the house and headed to practice anyway.   We were meeting out in Westlake, about a 20-25 minute drive from my apartment.  Actually as I was leaving my place my neighbor across the hall came out and asked me if I was going to ride.  When I said yes, she said, "You tell your coach I said no, its too dangerous to ride."  Then I narrowly avoided an accident when a car spun out in front of me right after I got on the freeway.  After that all I could think was I was going to crash on my bike.  I just wanted to turn around and crawl back in bed.  But, I didn't.

I got out to Westlake, looked at the slick roads and thought, "No way. I am not riding in this, I'm going to hurt myself."  Well, as luck would have it, the coaches agreed and instead we did our long run, with the brick rescheduled for the next day.  

As we were listening to the coaches tell us what we would be doing for the day something very unexpected happened.  I was called in to the middle of the circle the group had formed and the coaches/staff gave me the "All Star Award" for the day.  I could not believe what was happening.  Then, they read part of my blog post about quitting.  I was shocked (shocked that people read this blog and even more shocked that I was hearing it read back to me). 

Even though I struggle so much with the bike (or maybe because of it and because I get up and get back on every time) they were giving me the special All Star jersey for the day.  To say I felt honored would be a giant understatement.  I am training with some of the most incredible and amazing people I have ever met, or could even dream of getting to know, and they chose me for the first All Star award of the season.  Seriously amazing.  I really can't express in words how this made me feel.  I feel blessed to just be a part of this group and train with all of these amazing women and men.  They are all so incredible.  Thinking about it now makes me feel so honored, still.

And, apparently the blog post I wrote, about quitting, convinced someone else on the team that they should recommit and keep going with the team too.  I write this blog mostly for myself.  I do it so I can remember all the work I've put in.  If others want to read it, that's great.  But, the fact that it inspired someone to keep going, that, moves me more than almost anything else.  You really never know how you affect the world around you, and as the coaches said, your presence does make a difference.  So, whoever you are, thank you for reading and sticking with the team, and with me.  Its nice to know I'm not the only one who feels nervous.

So, I got to wear this totally awesome jersey for the rest of the day.  I felt like Rainbow Brite and I loved every minute of it.  We did our long run (8 miles) and I smiled the whole time.  It was an incredible feeling.  That jersey has magical powers to make you smile, I'm convinced.  It wasn't the fastest eight miles I've ever run, but it was the most enjoyable in a long time.  Thank  you IronTEAM.  It made me feel even better about my decision to recommit and stick with this. Thinking about this, even a few days later, makes me smile.

Best jersey ever.  I wish I got to keep it!

If you want to support me on this journey please click the link and hit DONATE NOW.  I need your support to get through the training and across that finish line.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/vinefirn13/ewallersco

Thank you!

I Quit.

"You must do the things you think you cannot do."  -Eleanor Roosevelt

Quitting has never really been an option in my life.  Growing up if I fell down or got hurt or something felt hard my parents made me get back up and try again.  There was no quitting. I think the only time they let one of us quit something after an accident was when my little sister broke her nose after school, her Brownie uniform was covered in blood, covered.  She wasn't at a Brownies meeting, she was just playing after school waiting for it to start.  It was an unfortunate incident and its possible my parents let her quit partially because they didn't want to deal with the bloody uniform.  Who can blame them?  Not me.  But, for the most part, we were not allowed to just quit.

But, I am quitting.  I'm done.  I won't do it anymore.  I am going to quit doubting myself.  I am going to quit being afraid.  I will not believe any of the negative thoughts that sometimes swirl through my head.  I will not be afraid that I can't do this.  I will not let anxiety take me over.  I can do this and I will do this.  Training for an ironman isn't easy, but no one said it would be.  I need to embrace all the new things and challenges and not be scared of what is down the road.  I know I will be nervous at times (maybe a lot of the time?) but I will not let the nerves decide what I can and cannot do.  I will not let the unknown determine my future.  I am embracing the words of Eleanor Roosevelt.  I am going to do the things I think I cannot do.

When I started running I doubted almost every step.
I worried that I wouldn't be able to finish what I had started.
Doubt is long gone when I run.  She can't keep up.
Now to make her get lost when I swim and bike!

For the past 10 weeks I have been training for Vineman, an ironman distance triathlon, in July.  I have struggled on the bike, I have been timid and nervous pretty much every single ride.  The bike is the thing that scares me the most.  A couple of weeks ago, when I fell off my bike and got a concussion, it would have been very easy to say to everyone, "I'm really sorry, but this is too dangerous.  I'm not going to do it."  Its a daunting task, training for 140.6 miles.  Swim, bike, run, repeat, a lot.  There are moments that I wonder what I've gotten myself in to.  "Am I really capable of this?"  The bike scares me, and this would have been the perfect moment to back out.  But, that would have been the easy way out, the quitters way.  So, I got back on the bike and will continue to do so.

"True strength is keeping it together when everyone expects you to fall apart." - Unknown

Quitting doesn't get you any where, except further from your dreams.  When you quit you are letting yourself down, and that just sucks.

Today is recommitment for the Ironteam.  You're in or you're out.  The paperwork was emailed out last week, and shortly thereafter I started feeling incredibly overwhelmed by training and life.  I found myself wondering if this is really something I am capable of, mentally and physically.  I have actually had a couple of full blown meltdowns.  I am not usually one to cry.  But, apparently since I hit my head the tears have come back, with a vengeance.  

Thursday night was meltdown number one.  I was hanging out with a friend who kept asking me if I was okay, and I kept saying yes, because I didn't want to talk about.  But, push me enough and it'll all come tumbling out.  And that's what happened.  I started crying and wondering if I can really do this.  140.6 seems so big and unfathomable right now.  I felt bad for my friend, he looked like he had no idea what to do.  The negative thoughts were taking over in that moment.    

Friday I was good.  I thought I had gotten it out of my system.  In fact, on Friday, I decided to do the thing that was scaring me a little bit.  I sent in my recommitment paperwork.  Why would I do such a thing when I was having doubts and concerns?  Because all the doubts and concerns were all fears in my head.  I know that if I put in the time and training I will succeed.  No, I'm not going to win, but I will finish and I will finish strong.  This was the time to recommit.  I'm in.

Then, on Saturday came meltdown number two.  We had a bike ride at Griffith Park, and physical recommitment.  We had to ride 25 miles in 2 hours or less.  This may not seem like a lot, but it was scary to me.  The bike is where I struggle.  Can I bike that far in that time?  Then I heard what the course was, including a hill, that we would climb and descend twice, and I was more scared (this is not a gigantic hill, I'm sure, but it was scary for me). I was psyching myself out.  Not a good way to start the day.  But, off I went.  The uphill was hard, but I had made it (although, I was super slow, and I feel like I could have run up the hill faster than I pedaled).  I got to the top and could only see a little ways down, it was a twisty street and I was really nervous about the downhill.  I braked a lot on the way down and my brakes were super squealy.  Thoughts of falling and seriously injuring myself rumbled around in my head.  "Why are you doing this?  This is dangerous.  Get off this damn bike.  You are going to hurt yourself.  This is stupid.  Stop it now."  I got to the turnaround point and one of the coaches was there, he looked at my brakes and reassured me they were fine.  Off I went back to our start point to start a second loop.

"Anyone can give up, its the easiest thing in the world to do.  But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that is true strength." - Unknown.

I got to the start to check in with the staff after just about an hour.  This meant I would be cutting it close for the time cutoff.  Then I don't know what happened, as I was standing there I started melting down again.  Tears. And bad thoughts.  "You can't do this.  Just stop now.  There's no point in going back out there you won't finish in time.  You are wasting your time.  You are going to hurt yourself.  No one will blame you if you stop.  This is crazy hard."  I finally calmed down and was encouraged to go back out.  Plus, I knew that deep down I would be disappointed in myself if I didn't finish, and I knew my mom would kill me.  So, off I went.  I got back to the top of the hill, slowly (again, I think I could have run it faster than I pedaled).  Coach Brad was at the top and made me stop for a minute and gave me a pep talk.

Then off we went.  I was much better the second time down the hill.  I was still nervous, but not as nervous as the first time, I think not knowing what was ahead of me the first time made it scarier.  I got to the bottom and knew that I was going to have to pedal my heart out to make the cutoff.  I got back and knew it was close, but not sure how close.  Then it was off for a run.  I got home that day and was optimistic, thinking I had maybe made it in under 2 hours.  I wasn't 100% sure, and I knew it was close, but I thought maybe, just maybe.  (And, big success - I didn't fall off the bike once! YAY!)

Sunday came meltdown number three.  I woke up that morning and headed to Santa Monica to meet up with some of the team for a run.  The second of our physical recommitment markers.  This I knew I could do, easy peasy.  I may not be the fastest runner, but I can get it done.  I started out slower than normal, my shins were hurting a little in the beginning.  But, when I found my rhythm I was fine.  I finished 6.98 miles in 80 minutes.  Not super speedy, but I did it.  I know I can run faster, but considering the week and the day before I was happy with how I did.  (I would have preferred closer to 8, but I'm not mad about 7.)

After the run I had another meltdown.  Not a huge one, but there were tears.  It doesn't even matter now what it was about, but I was freaking out.  "This is stupid.  Just stop.  You can't do this."  Again, I was calmed down and reassured that everything would be okay.   I know it will, I just need to stick to the schedule and work hard and I will get there, one step at a time.  (Seriously, they must all think I'm a complete basket case.  I swear, I'm not!) I don't know what my issue was this past week, but I could not keep myself together.  But, that doesn't mean its time to throw in the towel or stop trying.  

Being scared of something is usually not a reason to not do something, in fact, being scared of something, is quite often, the reason you should do it.  Yes, I'm nervous about the coming months and the event and the training.  But, if I think about it like that I'll never be able to finish.  I just need to think about today and finishing today's workout and doing the best I can TODAY.

If I let fear or negative thoughts dictate my whole life I would miss out on some amazing experiences.  

I would never have done this:

Or this...

 Or this...

And I definitely never would have done this...

That's me, bungee jumping, hanging off a bridge.

I probably wouldn't have gotten sober (it was scary imagining myself without hiding behind alcohol).  I also probably wouldn't have so readily accepted the diagnosis of bipolar and help that came with it (its a scary diagnosis, if you let it be).  I would still be a lost little girl.  There are so many things I would have missed out on.  Instead I have face my fears, enjoy my life, live it to the fullest and will continue to do so, every single day.

I am going to do this.  I trust my coaches and I know that they will get me there, if I put in the work.  Being scared and quitting isn't going to get me anywhere.  So, I will carry on.  I will be great.  Just you watch.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." - Ambrose Redmoon

If you want to support me as I continue down this path and shed the old me and find the new me, as I cast doubt and fear to the side and do things I thought I was incapable of, please consider making a donation (100% tax deductible) to LLS.  I've still got plenty of miles available for my sponsor a mile, so I can swim/bike/run a mile for you or in honor of someone you choose!  Click the link and hit donate now.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/vinefirn13/ewallersco

Thanks!

Goals and Resolutions

I am not a big believer in resolutions.  If you want to change something in your life do it.  Don't wait for a specific date.  Just make the change.  So often resolutions fail, I don't know why.  Doesn't matter.  I'm not a resolution kind of girl.  But, I am goal oriented.  And keeping that in mind I have a few goals for 2012. (I know, I'm a little late to the goals post party, I've been busy.)

1.  Finish a triathlon (Desert Tri will be my first in March - a training race for Vineman)

2.  Finish a half ironman (Wildflower Long in May - also a training race for Vineman)

3.  Finish a full ironman (Vineman full at the end of July)

4.  Relax and don't freak out about numbers 1, 2 and 3 (Still working on this one, at this point if I think about any of these too much I get a little panicky, I know I'll get there, but right now, it still seems super intimidating)

5.  Follow the training schedule (this one should be super easy - I don't have to think about it, I just have to do what the coaches tell me, and so far I have been VERY good about it, I've only skipped two or three workouts total - not including the post concussion recovery days, but that does not count)

6.  Get better at cycling (this will come with time and practice, I know, but right now, I basically feel ridiculous and totally uncoordinated every single time I'm on the bike.)

7.  Improve running form and swimming form (I practice these every single time I do them, this should help me be as efficient as possible today and throughout training)

8.  Be smart about races I register for.  Don't just register for races to register for them.  Just because its a good deal or all my friends are doing it does not mean I should do it.  I will only register for races I really want to do and that I have a goal for, and that I can afford (must keep the wallet in mind).

9.  Don't just do things to do them (or because I already paid for it).  Keeping that in mind I am selling my bib for Tinkerbell half marathon this month, it doesn't fit in to the training schedule (see #4) and I want to be strong for the other events.  Also out is the Big Sur Marathon.  I hopefully will be running this one next year (again, see #4, doesn't fit in training schedule).  Big Sur is the weekend before Wildflower.  I don't want to die at Wildflower and I want to be strong for that and Vineman.  So, I drop Tinkerbell and Big Sur.  Anyone interested in buying my Big Sur bib? (Seriously.)

10.  Pass the $10,000 mark in my fundraising with LLS (I'm actually only about $1500 away from hitting this goal as of 1/10/12, please help me surpass it before the end of January!  Donate here: http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/vinefirn13/ewallersco)

11.  Run a full marathon in under 5 hours (hoping to hit this goal at Marine Corps Marathon in October

12.  Enjoy myself while I'm doing all of this stuff.  If I'm not having fun, what's the point?

(I also have a bunch of personal goals - but since this is a blog about my running adventures this is what you get.)

I did have a bunch of goals for 2011 and a lot of them didn't happen, but it was a great year, regardless.  I started the year off with an injury (sprained right MCL) and I finished it strong and training with the IronTEAM for Vineman.  Here are a few goals that didn't quite make it:

1.  Break 2:30 in the half marathon.  This was not my year for the half.  I struggled every single time I went to race one.  I did really well in all of my training runs, running ~2:15 every time.  But, come race day, every time, EPIC failure.  Mostly I got in my own way.  Once I locked all my stuff in my car.  Whatever.  I am not friends with the half marathon, at least not right now.  One day I will return to this, but it just doesn't seem all that important to me right now.  I know that I registered for and ran too many of these.  I need to pick just one or two and focus on those.  Not eight.  Eight is not smart.  It is the opposite of smart, especially when you start seeing the same time appear every single time (no joke, I finished 6 of the 8 within a 2 minute window - about 30 mins slower than what I ran in training, ridiculous on SO many levels).  What this comes down to is being smart about racing.  And that is what I will do this year.

2.  Break 5 hours in the full.  I was registered for two fulls at the beginning of this year - Alaska Mayor's Marathon in June and Marine Corps Marathon in October.  I deferred Marine Corps when I decided to do the Goofy Challenge (which I wound up dropping for a number of reasons).  So, I only ran one marathon this year, Alaska.  And, while I didn't break 5 hours, I did run an amazing race and PR'd by 31 minutes.  Seriously incredible.  I enjoyed every single minute of this race and I am not upset with how I did.  I will get sub 5, and I think MCM is the perfect place to go for it.

3.  Become a morning runner.  I tried, seriously I really did.  But, my bed is so warm and cozy and inviting in the morning and its always so cold outside, I'd just rather stay comfy and cozy.  And, I was practically assaulted by a crazy woman on the street when I did try to run in the morning.  Plus, when I did run in the morning I liked it, but I'm better in the evening.  I'll admit there are days when I get home from work and the last thing I want to do is go for a run, but my evening runs are a great way for me to unwind from the day.  Maybe eventually running in the morning will be my thing, but right now, its dark and really cold outside, so I'll just stick with the evenings (yes, it's still dark and cold, but not nearly as bad as I'm not just getting out of my warm comfy bed).  I am, unfortunately needing to become a morning cyclist.  I just don't get out of work in time to cycle after work, it's way too dark.  So, its either mornings or the trainer.  I'm going for my first morning ride tomorrow.  Hopefully I'm not too grumpy when I get there.

2011 was a good year, it ended on a slightly rough note with the concussion, but I'm bouncing back fast, and 2012 seems to be holding so much more than I ever could have imagined, already.

Drinking, Driving, Bricks and Recovery

Recap of the week's training before I talk about the big stuff from the weekend.  Tuesday was a coached swim.  I was nervous at first and couldn't find a rhythm and got dizzy, but once I relaxed I was fine.  Must remember to relax.  Wednesday was a trainer ride while watching the Biggest Loser - it was sweaty sweaty sweaty.  No idea what my speed or distance was as I was using the Garmin, just focused on cadence, kept it as close to 90 as possible the whole time.  And, I managed to scare the dog again, he hates that thing.  Thursday was a run.  I went for a run up Ventura Blvd (on the sidewalk) and it was magical.  I just felt good the whole time.  I ran 5.01 miles in 53 minutes.  And, I felt good, the whole time.  This was the first time I've run this route and not almost gotten hit by a car (or two or three) coming out of driveways or making turns.  It was perfect.  I did this run at a 4:1 interval (which I think might be my sweet spot, still working on that though).  Friday was supposed to be a swim.  I had a really hard time finding an open pool.  Why must all pools be closed at the same time for maintenance?  Don't they know I'm training for an Ironman?  Inconvenient.  (I know, first world problems.)  So, that swim didn't happen.  I HATE skipping workouts, but I got out of work really late and I really could not find an open pool to get to.  I do not plan on letting this happen again, even if it means swimming in the morning.  (Praying that the Sherman Oaks/Van Nuys park pool reopens this week, as its scheduled to....)   Now on to the weekend.

Over the weekend I had to take a test (a small, but important one) on drinking and driving.  This might seem confusing as I am 5+ years sober.  Well, it wasn't about drinking alcohol and driving.  This test was about consuming fluids during a bike ride.  You see, to this point, I have struggled with drinking enough while I'm on the bike.  It hasn't really been a huge issue, because our rides haven't been that long.  But, they are going to get longer and I need to be drinking more.  The problem is, I was able to get the bottle out of the cage, but then I struggled getting it back in.  I always had to stop, clip out and then drink. I just felt like I was going to fall every single time I tried to get the bottle back in.

So, before practice on Saturday there was a drinking and driving clinic for those of us who were struggling with this.  (Thankfully I was not the only one!)  After Coach Jason told us what to do he made us ride around the parking lot and practice.  Every time I got the bottle back in the cage I was so excited!  Success!  Then the whole team got there and everyone had to ride around the parking lot and prove that they could get the bottles in and out of the cages successfully, of course, this is when I dropped my bottle.  Ugh.  Oh well.  (Drinking and driving is clearly not my forte at this point - but I will get better at it.)

Overcast Zuma Beach morning.

Saturday's team workout was a brick.  A two hour ride followed by a 20 minute run.  We had done a five minute run off the bike before, but I knew this would be a little more challenging.

Before the ride, Dolly, Tara and me (I'm a ninja! with white shoes...)

After the spin around the lot we were split in to two groups - beginner/intermediate and advanced.  I am obviously still with the beginner group.  Our course was heading north on PCH from Zuma Beach up to Leo Carillo, then head south to the start point, and repeat (for a two hours).  I was doing pretty good, drinking my liquids - or at least I thought.  I had a moment where I thought I was going to fall - I was in too high of a gear and trying to get my bottle back in the cage, but I managed to prevent the fall (by stopping) and get going again.  When I got to the turnaround point I was scolded by Coach Brad for not drinking enough.  Darn.  I thought I had been doing so well!  (I realized that while I'm drinking frequently I'm not drinking enough each time, I'm only taking a couple small sips, and need to consume more than that, a lot more.)

So, I did manage to fall at this point.  I just sorta tipped over.  I wasn't really moving and it was completely ridiculous.  Such is the life of a clumsy girl trying to train for a triathlon.  This fall did score me an ugly bruise on my left hip and a couple of deep feeling scratches on my right ankle.  Nice.  (Somehow when I fell hard on PCH and got a concussion I had no bruising on my side where I fell, yet I just tip over and I get an ugly bruise.  What is that about?)

Lovely scratches.  They still hurt.

Anyway, I finished up the ride (~25 miles, not super fast, but I know that with time and practice I'll get faster) feeling pretty strong and then we had to run for 20 minutes.  When I started running it felt like my legs were moving through molasses.  I was convinced I must be doing around a 12-13 minute mile.  I looked down at my Garmin, and it was clocking me at 8:16/mile.  Holy crap!  That's way faster than I normally run, and it felt sloooooow.  I forced myself to slow down a bit and finished out the run doing a 10 min/mile pace.  Running off the bike is hard.

After Saturday's brick workout we were all treated to a variety of different recovery drinks.  Basically add a powdery substance to water, shake and drink. Its supposed to aid in recovery, important when you're working out 6 days a week.  I tried this fruity flavored one.  Blech.  It tasted like crunched up vitamins.  Tara also let me try hers, a chocolate flavored one - not delicious, but MUCH more palatable.  (Side note - I'm so happy Tara is on the team, she has given me lots of tips and its nice having someone who's done some triathlons before around to talk to!)

Sunday was another run day and I met up with some of the team in Santa Monica for what proved to be a difficult run.  It was hilly and there were stairs - so many stairs.  Apparently my Garmin blinked out at some point and my mileage read low - I thought I completed 6 miles in 1 hour 10 minutes, a little slow, but considering the previous day's workout and the stairs and hills, not too awful and I wasn't bothered by it, but actually I finished more like 6.3 miles.  Still not speedy, but better.  I'll take it.

After Sunday's run I tried a different brand of recovery drink, chocolate flavor.  Also, not delicious, but much better than the first one.   (I stopped at the running store near my house after practice on Saturday and got a bunch of single packets of these things to try in a variety of flavors.  Now to experiment until I find one I like and that works well for me.)

I also bought a 24 pack of PB Gu -
my new favorite flavor.

Today my calves are sore and achy from the weekend's workouts (I wore compression sleeves under my slacks and I have a date with the foam roller tonight).  Even though I could have done an easier run on my own I'm glad I went with the team and did the run.  It was hard, but no one said that training for an Ironman was going to be easy.  And, it's only going to get harder.  So, I embrace the challenges & am ready for more.  Bring it.

Just because a snuggly picture of the dog...

If you want to support me in this crazy Ironman quest please consider making a donation.  You can sponsor a mile for just $15 and help get me closer to my goal (every $15 donation = a mile, if you donate $30 you get 2, $45=3, etc).  Thank you for your continued support!  And a special thank you to everyone who has already donated.  (To donate click the link and hit donate now)

http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/vinefirn13/ewallersco

Thank you!

New Years and Training

After my bike accident I have been struggling a little bit with a few things.  Some things have felt exponentially more difficult - swimming, specifically.  I know that after a concussion it takes time to recover, but it can be incredibly frustrating.  I kept feeling like I should be healed and back to normal sooner than I was getting there (now I actually do feel mostly normal again).  But, I have been listening to the coaches and doing exactly what they tell me to do.  Even when I have a rough training day I know that the next one has the potential to be better and I shouldn't get down on myself about it.  So, I have carried on with my training.

So, since my last post here's what has happened.  Get excited.  It's all sorts of awesome.  (I might be exaggerating, a little, okay, a lot, whatever.)  So, I had another rest day (there was a potential that I was going to do a swim set on Friday, but after a couple not great swims, coach gave me a rest day), so I wrote out thank you notes to everyone who has donated so far (a lot of notes, my hand was cramping part was through).  I still haven't mailed them, cause I have no stamps, this will be rectified this week.  (Spoiler alert - if you've donated that means you're getting a hand written thank you note, its what I do, although I have no idea when you'll actually get it because of the whole stamps situation.)

Saturday I packed my bike into my car and headed out to Santa Monica for a team practice.  It was actually a run practice, but I was told to bring my bike with me so I could get another ride on the road in before the Sunday ride.  The run actually went really well.  It was the first really great workout since the bike crash.  I felt strong the whole way.  I did not love the squats or alphabet balances we had to stop to do throughout the run, but all in all, a good run.  Five miles in 60 minutes.  No, not super fast, but we did have to do stops for strength and balance, and I'm not quite back to my regular interval yet (did a 4:1).  I wanted to complete the last loop and get in about 6.5-7 miles, but I also didn't want to press my luck, knowing I had to get on the bike afterward.  So I stopped at 60 minutes.

After practice I found out how long I needed to bike for.  I was nervous, only the second time back on the road.  But, I knew I would be okay.  I was really really slow getting ready for this ride.  But once I got going and relaxed in to it, I felt fine.  I did the golf course loop, so 7 miles in 30 minutes.  Again, really not speedy, but, I had just done that whole running thing and my legs were tired.  I could definitely feel the difference on the bike since getting the fitting, it just felt better all the way around.  I'm so happy I got that done.

After my workouts for the day I spent most of the rest of the day being lazy.  I cleaned a little bit and then headed to my parents house for home made sushi dinner (apparently this is their thing now, fine with me, totally delicious).  I went to a party at a friend's house for a bit.  Single sober girl decided to call it a night early, lots of drunk people and couples is not the most fun evening ever.  I was home and in my pjs before midnight.  I'm good with it.  New Year's is not really my thing.  I watched the ball drop and fell asleep, nervous about the next morning's impending bike ride (that would possibly take me up PCH again).

I woke up early with an upset stomach - I was really nervous, there wasn't anything actually wrong with me. I took my time in the morning, had breakfast, snuggled with Rocky (who, by the way, does not like to cuddle unless he initiates it - so difficult) and finally, when I could wait no longer, I got dressed and packed up the bike again and headed out to Santa Monica.  I got there fairly early, parked and headed to our meeting spot.  The coaches said there would be two routes that morning, one up PCH and one down through the Marina.  I decided to go with the Marina route.  Not cause I'm scared of PCH, I am nervous about the next time I ride it, but because it had been foggy and damp and that just didn't seem like the best time for my first ride back on the road of danger (my new name for the pot hole lined, car filled PCH).  The coaches agreed that I should go south to the Marina too.

During the warm up there was a moment when my cadence was not high enough, I knew it wasn't, but, of course, that is the moment Coach Brad decides to ride by and tell me to pick it up.  A little warning that he's coming next time would be nice so I can make sure to be doing the right thing, otherwise its just downright rude, catching me off guard like that (I know, I should have the correct cadence all the time, whatever). ;)  It was a lovely ride, albeit really slow at the beginning, there were approximately a million stop signs and stop lights, and I think I hit every single red one.  I only had one small fall, and I wasn't even moving at the time, I just sorta tipped over (and now have a lovely bruise on the inside of my left knee, sexy, no?).  I don't know that cycling is a good choice for someone as clumsy as me.  Clearly I need to do more of the balance exercises.  All in all, a successful bike ride - total miles 25 (including golf course warm up loop), 2 hours.  

Me, Joy, Susie and the elusive Amanda! Top
of Runyon (Rocky is hiding behind me, the
dog out  front is Susie's.)

Monday was supposed to be a rest day, so I went with Susie, Amanda, Joy and a friend of Susie's up for a little walk around Runyon.  Since we were going to be going slow poke style I decided to bring Rocky with me.  He has never been to Runyon before, and now I remember why.  So many people let their dogs off leash there, and its like they have an eye for my sometimes timid scaredy-cat dog.  I swear 90% of the dogs off leash had to come inspect Rocky and freak him out a little.  No bueno.  Put your dog on a leash.  Seriously people.  There was one dog that was getting up in Rocky's business, if Rocky hadn't turned his head away (such a good dog - and VERY un-like him to do this) it could've gotten ugly.  Leashes people.  Leashes.  I have to say this, if your dog is off leash and attacks my dog in some way I can not be held accountable for what I might do to defend him.  I didn't have to defend him Monday, but I would if I needed to.  Put your dog on a leash, or take the dog to an off leash location, not somewhere that leashes are required, like Runyon.  Sorry about the rant, but it upsets me that people don't seem to care.  

Tired dog.

January 2, 2012, beautiful LA day - 70 something degrees.  Can't beat that.

We followed up our Runyon adventure with lunch, and I figured Rocky would be passed out the rest of the day, giving me a good chance to clean.  Wrong.  Crazy pants had SO much energy.  What?  I've taken him for way shorter hikes and he's passed out for the rest of the day.  Monday he was hyper and just wanted to play.  So, of course, I forced him to snuggle a bit.  Ha, I win.

If he could speak he'd say "leave.me.alone."

Monday night I was with my parents, again (I got in a lot of parent time this weekend).  I went with them to a New Year's party at the house of a guy who designs lots of Rose Parade floats.  He had a gigantic bird on his shoulder most of the evening.  There was a moment when I thought the bird was going to try to eat my face.  Seriously.  Crazy big beak and it didn't seem happy at all.  I was happy when the bird went in its cage and we left, safely away from the giant beaked creature.  Very pretty, but a little scary at the same time.

That's a big, real life angry bird.

All in all a really good long weekend.

Tuesday I woke up with some twitchy/sore calves.  That Runyon walk might not have been the best idea.  Tuesday night was swimming night.  I got to the pool and was a little nervous.  A couple of less than stellar swims has left me feeling less than confident in the pool, usually one of my favorite activities.  Once I relaxed and found a rhythm though, I was fine.  I just need to not get in my own head.  Calves were still achy and twitchy when I got home, so I slept in compression socks.  Oh how I love them.  Seriously amazing.  Calves feel much better.

Today was supposed to be a bike ride this morning.  The bed won this battle today and I stayed in it longer than I should have.  So, I will be on the trainer tonight, watching (on DVR) the season premiere of Biggest Loser.  Then strength/core/balance workout.  Lots more training this week, running, biking swimming.  Bring it.

Other things that I need to start thinking about - transportation to and from Desert Tri and Wildflower as well as accommodations for Desert Tri and camping situation at Wildflower.  I seriously own zero camping gear, not sure how I'm going to pull this one off.  If you have camping gear you're willing to lend me I'd very much appreciate it - I need everything, including a sleeping bag (I'm more of a hotel girl, and this whole camping before a race thing is freaking me out a little.)  That weekend should be REALLY interesting.

Also, I'm still fundraising for LLS.  You can make a 100% tax deductible donation and support me here:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/vinefirn13/ewallersco

And, for every $15 you donate you can sponsor a mile along the course and I will swim/bike/run that mile for you or a person of your choosing.  Join the fun!  Support me as I train for the craziest adventure of my life.

Thanks!